


You Can’t Bring Back the Dead

by jasminum_draconis



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Canon Era, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Missing Scene, Post-Episode: s05e06 The Dark Tower
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-08
Updated: 2019-12-08
Packaged: 2021-02-26 20:46:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21705019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jasminum_draconis/pseuds/jasminum_draconis
Summary: They’ve done this before. They know how it goes. But the difference is Mordred actually could have done something the others could not. He justwasn't there to do it.Takes place between The Dark Tower and A Lesson in Vengeance. It's been a week or two.
Relationships: Elyan & Percival (Merlin), Mordred/Percival (Merlin)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	You Can’t Bring Back the Dead

They lie in bed, sheets and the blanket pulled up to their waists. It's full moon tonight, the dusty blue light bathes Camelot in Her magic. It doesn't bring him much comfort, like it might have done once. Even that makes his stomach twist. A reminder of what he has, what he could have done, but didn't. 

"What are you doing?"

He glances to his right, where Percival's face is turned towards him with tired eyes, but otherwise doesn't move. 

"Why are you awake? It's the middle of the night."

"Can't sleep."

"I wasn't good enough to tire you out this time?" he tries to distract Mordred. Because they both know exactly what he is thinking so loudly. 

"Not that…I'm–" his chest ties itself into painful knots, "I was just–" he can't get the words out.

The bed dips and shifts with Percvial's weight, and he pushes himself up to lie on his side. His eyes are open, ready to listen; but he waits for Mordred patiently. Would he be so kind, though, if he realised?

Mordred swallows against the burning cold, "My mind is somewhere else."

"Elyan?"

"I should have been there."

"There was nothing you could have done."

 _Yes, there was!_ he screams in his mind and has to clench his teeth so keep himself from doing so out loud. 

"You don't know that," he says instead.

"You were injured. We went to the Perilous Lands. How could we have taken you with us?"

"I should have gone anyway. I should have insisted- Gods, I should have just followed after you!"

Percival puts one hand over Mordred heaving chest, right next to his druid mark, "Mordred."

His breath trembles like the rest of him. "I’m sorry.I know it's no use mulling over… But I can't help it."

"Don’t be, I understand." he swallows thickly, "I miss him too."

He covers the hand on his chest with his own, tracing spirals over the others knuckles just to have something to do. They are both thinking the same thing. That it should have been them. They’ve been through this before. They’ve done this before. They know how it goes. But the difference is Mordred actually could have done something the others could not. But he just _wasn't there to do it_.

"I’d rather brave the pyre than endure his loss."

He doesn’t know why he says it. He knows Percival is going to understand exactly what he means. He doesn’t know where he finds the nerve… or the trust.

"Rather it or brave it to prevent his death."

He doesn’t respond. Only continues to dance his fingers over Percival's hand.

"Mordred…" his thumb glides over the triskelion, "If you’d have been there would you have used magic?"

He stops, eyes glued to Percival's hand and his mark, "I could have healed him. Arthur could have burned me if he liked but Elyan would be alive."

Dread settles at the pit of Mordred’s stomach like a lump of cold iron as he awaits Percival's reaction. The delay doesn’t help the matters and he is already down a whirlpool of self-hatred form every which direction when Percival grimaces and rests his forehead on Mordred’s shoulder.

"… Don’t ever put that image in my head again."

"W-hat?"

"You. Pyre. No. Just no." He grunts and grumbles as if trying to get free. "That would never happen."

"That was not the response I was expecting."

"Well, what the fuck were you expecting?" 

"… I don’t know." The hand on his chest moves to grip his waist a pull him close, his shoulder against Percival's collarbone and half on top of each other. Mordred takes a deep breath by his neck. "I'm sorry."

They lay in silence for a long while. Mordred just tries to focus on the others warmth in the bed beside him, trying to keep his fear at bay. He shouldn't be afraid. Not of Percival.

"Besides," he says, voice thick and too quiet, "You'd have been too late. He was dead when we got to him."

"But-"

"No buts," he feels a ghost of a kiss at his jaw, "Please. You can’t bring back the dead."

**Author's Note:**

> I have a finished work. It is indeed my geartest accomplishment.


End file.
